Well, that whole “not drinking until my birthday?” goal…that made it a whole 4 days. Thanks Moose.
You know how some people are stress eaters? I’m a stress wine drinker!
There were a few stressful days in my personal life, attending the funeral of a dear friend’s mother, and the insane cold weather all culminated in me being a bit depressed1 and weak to the pull of “let’s go out to dinner and have some wine.” Which turns into another glass of wine…
My go-to stress reliever of going for a long run is more complicated in the winter2. Instead of just being able to throw on my shoes and go out the door, I have to dress to go out in the sub-zero temperatures, drive the 10 minutes to my gym, get redressed to exercise, then meander my way to where the treadmills are in my warehouse-sized gym. Add the reverse procedure to that and my 40 minute run turns into a nearly 1.5 hours of nonsense.
If only I could buy a plane ticket to somewhere where I don’t have to bundle up in wool socks and 3 layers of clothing to feel warm. But, that’s not happening anytime soon.
My normal tendency is to really beat myself up over the slip in my goals. Like serious “you’re such a huge fucking fat failure” and “you’re worthless” kind of flogging. I think that mindset of self-loathing has fueled my struggles with my own weight my entire life and it’s a hard one to shake.
However, I have some amazing friends who tell me I’m awesome and I keep telling myself that I am not a failure and am beautiful. Even if I don’t necessarily believe it 100% yet.
I’m using this blog to be honest and open about things and I don’t want this to turn into a pity party where you all cheer “you’re awesome, Carolyn!” so I feel better. That’s not it at all.
I’m just writing this in the hopes that it helps someone else not hate themselves because they ate those donuts or drank those beers when they swore they wouldn’t. It’s about embracing yourself as a person – one who isn’t perfect and one who is going to fall flat on their face every once in a while. I just want to get to the point where I can just dust myself off and keep moving towards my goals without having to berate myself for falling down in the first place.
Well that got deep. Sorry about that.
I’ll be back with more fart jokes and nonsense soon. 🙂
1 – I really, really don’t like winter. I don’t know if I’m at seasonal affective disorder levels of depression about it – but man I’m sick of being cold by this time of the winter season.
2 – Despite successfully running the Polar Dash, I do not run outside unless it’s above 40F.