Lumpy Dumpy

Boobs. Ladies have them. Ladies of a certain age get to have them squished between two plates for fun and profit.

Photo by Kristie Wells

Well, maybe “fun and profit” are a little facetious. But the squishing part is real.

“Here! I’m going to put your boob on this plate, then squish it down with this plastic vice! It’s going to hurt and feel REALLY uncomfortable, but you can’t move until the machine releases you from the crushing vice grip!”

Now do that three times per breast, and you got some fun! And by “fun” I mean “not fun.”

I had to have my first mammogram at the age of 31 when I found a lump in my right breast. The news was terrifying and I had to go through a litany of other tests (including a breast ultrasound and needle biopsy) before I got the diagnosis of a benign fatty lump. After this scare, I came to find out my mom and both my sisters have had the same problems. I was all “why didn’t you tell me!?” SMH

Fast-forward to now. I’m in my 40s and mammograms are now part of the normal list of screenings you have to go through. OH BOY. 😐

Some doctors have discretion over what age and how often you need to have them, but as I already have a high risk factor – my mom had breast cancer – I needed to get one done.

Now I knew what they were going to see – I never had surgery on the benign lump as my doctor said it wouldn’t do any harm and my body would eventually reabsorb it. It has changed over time, but is still there. Thus, I was pretty confident that it would show up on this mammogram, and I was right.


I’ve had the same doctor for over a decade, so they could get my prior mammogram scans and ultrasounds, and compare the two. Easy peasy, right?


Apparently the imaging center deletes any scans that are more than a decade old.


What happened to my medical record? Those scans are pretty fucking important, especially now that I have a higher risk of breast cancer. And now they’re gone?! WTF?

Now that my new doctor out here in Oregon doesn’t have access to those old scans, I need to go in for another breast ultrasound to not only start a new history of what’s going on – since now I lost a decade-old scan – so it can also be monitored going forward.

I’m not nervous about it, but when my mom went in and got her cancer news, she thought it was just another benign lump that she’d been getting her entire life. That hasn’t helped to stop my nagging worst-case-scenario voice from ringing in my ears. What if something’s really changed in that decade? What then? 😱

I also have to have the scans, then wait around the imaging center for them to read them and give me my results. Ughhhhh. It sucks, but I know it has to be done.

Doesn’t make the stress any less, though. Blerg.

Surprises and Pants

I’ve been quiet on social media and my blogs about my trip from this past weekend because it was a surprise and I didn’t want my parents to get wind of the plans.

My mom turned 75 years old a week ago today. Since this was a monumental birthday – especially with her year-long battle of kicking breast cancer’s butt – back in September my siblings and I cooked up a plan to have a birthday party for her and that I would fly back to Minnesota to surprise her!

The plan was to have the party at the local bar in the tiny town of 600+ people that I’m from. Since one of my sisters lives in the same town that my parents do, I would hang out at her house until the party Friday night. I had to do that because I had limited flights out of Portland and the one I had to take got me there 4 hours before the festivities (and a 7am departure!).

Naturally, my parents show up at my sister’s house unannounced an hour and a half prior to the party. LOL! Luckily, we planned for such an outcome so we could still surprise her so I hid in my sister’s bedroom and she brought Mom over to look at her new paint job in her living room.


Even though the rest of my siblings weren’t there, it was still great to surprise her so thoroughly! She was so happy! 😀

The next day – to the chagrin of my waistline (more on that later) we had our family’s Thanksgiving dinner. All that turkey and gravy and mashed potatoes and dressing and pie. Mmmmmm…pie. Even Moose couldn’t complain about the food.

I even got some great photos:

Speaking of my pants. I had a pair of jeans that I had attempted to put on about a month ago. When I say “attempted” that means that they would barely get over my hips and the hopes of even getting it zipped/buttoned up was impossible. Not unless I used some industrial strength clamps and cut half my body off.

Since starting CrossFit, I have been trying to not weigh myself. I did a few times and the last time I was quite dismayed to see I had gained 6 lbs since I started. Six pounds?! UGH. That’s the heaviest I’ve ever been!! I thought this was going to get me into shape so I could wear my clothes again!

Flash forward to this past Sunday. On a whim, I tried the same pair of jeans on to just see how much further I needed to go in order to wear them again (and to see how much dieting I would need to do).

I was shocked.

I could button and zip them up.

I could still breathe with them buttoned and zipped up.


Needless to say, I did a happy dance. Wearing those pants.


It’s been one month since I tried CrossFit and my goodness I’ve seen results. I’m still heavier than I’ve ever been, but my clothes fit again. I’ll take it.