Tag Stress

Halfway

Carolyn S.

Well, my big “I’m gonna blog more!” plan for my sabbatical has fallen by the wayside because it’s been a month and a half between posts and I’m halfway done with my sabbatical. Whoops.

Looking at my rough list of “to-dos” from my last post, I have gotten some things done:

Major tree and shrub removal: This one happened the very first day of my sabbatical and I wrote about it in my last post.

Replacing the last two sets of windows on the house: They look amazing! Was a much smoother and clean process than I was anticipating – kudos to the Pella Window crew! If I were more organized, I would have taken before and after photos. Whoops.

Constructing a garden shed: Well, we have the shed, obviously, but it’s been sitting in it’s boxes in the garage since I bought it. The plan is to have the location prepped before the 4th of July week (dug out, leveled, sand and pea rock laid down). Why that week? My sister is planning on coming up for a few days that week and she’s willing to help me put it up (weather permitting, more on that below).

Painting: HAH. Absolutely zero of that happened. 😦

Having my mom stay with me for a week: I went down to the farm on Mother’s Day and brought Mom back to my house. We had a great time – went shopping, talked a lot, and she spent a ton of time looking out the back windows on the yard and pond watching all the wildlife. Also, I watched more local news and Wheel of Fortune than I have in decades. 😀

Landscaping: I’ve been working on clearing out all the landscaping rock in the garden bed next to the garage SINCE MOTHER’S DAY. Why is it taking so long? Because to get the rock out, the ground has to be dry – so about two days after the last rain is ideal. Problem is there’s been only two or three days where those conditions have happened – otherwise it rains every other day, or in the case of the past week, it’s rained EVERY DAY. ARGH!

Once the rock is out, there’s a stump we need to dig out, but the soil can be damp when we tackle that, so it’s not as crucial to be dry for two days in a row. Then I’ll plant my hydrangeas and get some new edging and mulch down then that project will be DONE.

Electrical work: Still haven’t done this one.

Designing Tim’s studio space: Well, we had the plan, but then he was focusing on his illustration and comics work full-time for a month or so and in the interests of saving money, we put this project on pause. Plus, he has a desk at a local studio with other comic artists, so he’s been spending a lot of time there working so having a better space here wasn’t a necessity.

Dialing in my nutrition/exercise plan: HAH.

I’ll clarify: HAHAHAHAH.

In all seriousness, I’ve been doing really well at CrossFit. I did my first (half) Murph on Memorial Day in the 90+ degree heat and did a lot better than I expected. I’ve also been setting some PRs on my weight lifting (bench press, front squat, back squat, etc.) and now that summer is here, we’re doing more running, which has been great even though I’m the slowest one there.

Nutrition-wise, I haven’t done anything. I’m in a funk and my motivation and drive to make meaningful changes is at zero right now. Which results in me wrapping myself in a warm blanket of comfort foods and making bad choices. It’s times like this where I wish I had that friend that I could talk to when things are low. But, after being rejected by the last friend I trusted with my troubles, I don’t bother anyone with my business anymore. Which is fine – all you can really rely on is yourself, right? And I know what some of you are thinking: “get a therapist” – I’d censor myself there too because I don’t feel comfortable talking to a virtual stranger about those things. I’m sure it works for other people, but in my experience it wouldn’t help. Maybe I should get one of those old-fashioned paper journals where I can sort out my thoughts. 🤔

ANYHOO.

Back to the nutrition thing: I’m going to try and make small, incremental changes to my eating and drinking habits and hope that this gradual change is the key to success. Especially since the “RAWR NO EXCUSES” method that I’ve tried in the past fails miserably.

Still haven’t made any plans for a weekend trip, so that part probably won’t happen – but who knows.

Now if it would just stop raining!

Timing.

Carolyn S.

Been a rough couple of months! Moving prep. The actual move. After the move. I’m not moving again for a VERY long time.

(I say this, and watch us move in a year)

April turned out to be quite the stressful month. Well, March wasn’t much better. Living apart from your spouse SUCKS.

I had some fun times, though. In April, my team had our meetup in Dublin, Ireland and I spoke at WordCamp San Diego. Here are a few photos of Dublin – not sure why I didn’t take any photos in San Diego!

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Tiny Guinness!
Tiny Guinness!
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Drunk octopus wants to fight!
Drunk octopus wants to fight!
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Then the moving. Oh boy that was fun. And by fun, I mean a nightmare. The three day trip took four due to a really shitty Penske truck. Here are the “highlights”:

Day one.: Portland OR to Coeur d’Alene ID. Husband and I in our car with the cats, my sister driving the Penske truck. Nothing too exciting aside from Pixel having an accident in her kennel. A bit slow going with the truck because it wouldn’t go over 60mph.

Day two.: Coeur d’Alene ID to Miles City MO. After climbing over the mountains in Idaho, in a area of flat terrain, the check engine light in the Penske truck came on. Spent an hour in a gas station parking lot on the phone troubleshooting the issue. Once we got back on the road, it was decided that I needed to drive ahead (and going the speed limit of 80mph) to our already-booked hotel in Miles City so the cats wouldn’t be in the car so long again. I got there around 10pm (after driving through one of the worst rain storms in a long time). The truck with my husband and sister rolled in around 12:30am.

Day three.: Miles City MO to Minneapolis MN. Well, that was the plan anyway. When we were all packed up and ready to depart, the truck wouldn’t start. GREAT.

Waited around for about an hour while the local diesel mechanic got things running again. Headed out later than normal, but since we’d be getting to our new house, I didn’t care how late it would be. Until we stopped to fuel up. When we got back on the road again the truck going up any sort of incline would slow down to a crawl of 35mph. On the interstate. To say this was dangerous was an understatement.

We pulled off in the middle of nowhere North Dakota and called Penske again. Said we should make our way to Bismarck where there was an International garage where they could take a look at it. We made it there around 5pm and thus we spent the night in Bismarck instead of our new house. 😦

Day four?: Bismarck ND to Minneapolis MN. Started off the day with a truck with a freshly flushed out fuel system (which was a lot of the problem) and our optimism of a day with no drama or surprises.

Wrong.

Going down the road for an hour, we needed to fuel up again, get some coffee/water, and take bathroom breaks. Back on the road, the truck started doing the EXACT. SAME. THING.

Pulled off again in a different middle of nowhere North Dakota and called Penske. Again. After troubleshooting, they had two options: they can send a new truck and movers to unpack/pack our stuff into a new truck, or they could just tow us to Minneapolis if we could make it to Jamestown ND. Since we had amazing movers pack our stuff up in Oregon and it would be faster to be towed, we opted for the tow.

We got to Jamestown where we met up with the tow truck driver. He was going to tow us to Fargo ND where we’d swap tow trucks with a second driver – something about crossing state lines or something – and the second driver would tow us the rest of the way. It worked shockingly well. In fact, the tow truck went 75-80MPH the rest of the trip. Fastest that stupid Penske truck went the entire trip. 😐

More photos of the move:

Bye by old townhouse!
Bye by old townhouse!
My view for most of the damn trip.
My view for most of the damn trip.
I don't remember where this was.
I don’t remember where this was.
More scenery that I forgot where it was taken.
More scenery that I forgot where it was taken.
Pixel wanted nothing to do with being cooped up in her kennel.
Pixel wanted nothing to do with being cooped up in her kennel.
Waiting on Day three for the truck mechanic.
Waiting on Day three for the truck mechanic.
Montana or North Dakota sometime on day three. Snow. >_<
Montana or North Dakota sometime on day three. Snow. >_<
Yes, that is a mug full of wine. After this trip, it was necessary.
Yes, that is a mug full of wine. After this trip, it was necessary.

We’re mostly unpacked – I still have all my artwork that I need to hang up and a few other little things to organize, but for the most part we’re all settled in! Since this is turning out to be a photo-heavy post, here’s some more photos:

Selfie with the husband.
Selfie with the husband.
Pixel and Roxy "snuggling". Roxy is under the blanket.
Pixel and Roxy “snuggling”. Roxy is under the blanket.
African violet loving it's new home by the kitchen sink.
African violet loving it’s new home by the kitchen sink.
Pixel on the window seat next to my desk. She loves it.
Pixel on the window seat next to my desk. She loves it.
Roxy on her $4 Ikea pillow. She sleeps on it constantly.
Roxy on her $4 Ikea pillow. She sleeps on it constantly.
Peonies from my backyard.
Peonies from my backyard.

Next in my crazy life: going back to CrossFit. That’s for another post, though.

Cleaning House

Carolyn S.

While I’m excited about moving, it’s giving me a lot of stress.

I miss my husband so much.

I’m freaking out over shit like “is the moving truck we’re renting going to fit in the driveway?”

“I shouldn’t be relaxing – I need to pack!”

“How am I going to do all this by myself?”

Seriously, I was having dreams (nightmares?) about moving.

I’ve also been working on getting my running endurance back up, so I’ve been running every other day, but I can’t seem to get past two miles before I start to hurt.

I’m trying to fill every free moment with “doing something” to prepare for the move. None of those things, however, have involved “being around people.” o_O

All this stress came at a cost. Every morning, I’d wake up in pain; every muscle in my body hurt and some days were worse than others. Like I was seriously thinking I had some awful disease and that I was doomed to be in pain for the rest of my life.

After the wake up about being a hermit as referenced above, yesterday I finally had to do something. Something to try and take care of me – so I called around to find a place where I could get a massage to see if I could relieve some of this stress and pain.

It was the best thing I’ve done for myself in a long time. I’m sore today, but that’s because I got one hell of a deep tissue massage on my sad, neglected body.

When we lived in MN, I would get a massage every 3-4 weeks. It was great and kept my stress levels down. It also was beneficial to my fitness goals because I was able to run further and push myself harder since my muscles were refreshed and not sore.

It’s been a wake up that I need to take care of myself. To clean my mental house of all the garbage that’s littering about the place. I owe it to myself to be happy and be grateful for the things I do have and not be so full of self-loathing at myself and over all the things I don’t have or are missing.

I’m 43 years old. I’m not sick. I have two strong legs that can lift weights and run. I have two arms that can lift and grasp anything. My lungs breathe easy and my eyes, while needing glasses, can see clearly. I have a sharp mind. I can hear music and I can taste all sorts of food and drink. I have good friends. I have a great family. I have an amazing husband. I may have been though some difficult times in my life, but through it all my body hasn’t given up on me. Now I gotta stop giving up on it.

This healthy body that has seen me through it all is still standing strong and I need to start being grateful and content with that body. I need to stop punishing it for not fitting the “not good enough” mold that I’ve constructed for myself. So I’m throwing that mold away with all the other garbage that’s been in my head that’s been weighing it down.

Time to love the body I have now, not the one I “should” have.

Time to appreciate everything this body can do, not what it “can’t” do.

Time to put myself first so everyone around me will get the best me possible.

Time for me.