The Best Laid Plans.

Well, that whole “not drinking until my birthday?” goal…that made it a whole 4 days. Thanks Moose.

You know how some people are stress eaters? I’m a stress wine drinker!


There were a few stressful days in my personal life, attending the funeral of a dear friend’s mother, and the insane cold weather all culminated in me being a bit depressed1 and weak to the pull of “let’s go out to dinner and have some wine.” Which turns into another glass of wine…

My go-to stress reliever of going for a long run is more complicated in the winter2. Instead of just being able to throw on my shoes and go out the door, I have to dress to go out in the sub-zero temperatures, drive the 10 minutes to my gym, get redressed to exercise, then meander my way to where the treadmills are in my warehouse-sized gym. Add the reverse procedure to that and my 40 minute run turns into a nearly 1.5 hours of nonsense.

If only I could buy a plane ticket to somewhere where I don’t have to bundle up in wool socks and 3 layers of clothing to feel warm. But, that’s not happening anytime soon.

My normal tendency is to really beat myself up over the slip in my goals. Like serious “you’re such a huge fucking fat failure” and “you’re worthless” kind of flogging. I think that mindset of self-loathing has fueled my struggles with my own weight my entire life and it’s a hard one to shake.

However, I have some amazing friends who tell me I’m awesome and I keep telling myself that I am not a failure and am beautiful. Even if I don’t necessarily believe it 100% yet.

Thanks, Senator Franken!
Thanks, Senator Franken!

I’m using this blog to be honest and open about things and I don’t want this to turn into a pity party where you all cheer “you’re awesome, Carolyn!” so I feel better. That’s not it at all.

I’m just writing this in the hopes that it helps someone else not hate themselves because they ate those donuts or drank those beers when they swore they wouldn’t. It’s about embracing yourself as a person – one who isn’t perfect and one who is going to fall flat on their face every once in a while. I just want to get to the point where I can just dust myself off and keep moving towards my goals without having to berate myself for falling down in the first place.

Well that got deep. Sorry about that.

I’ll be back with more fart jokes and nonsense soon. 🙂

1 – I really, really don’t like winter. I don’t know if I’m at seasonal affective disorder levels of depression about it – but man I’m sick of being cold by this time of the winter season.

2 – Despite successfully running the Polar Dash, I do not run outside unless it’s above 40F.

Polar Dash 2014 Recap

I finished the 2014 Polar Dash! I even got the medal to prove it:

The temperature on race day was a “balmy” -7F with a wind. I read up on Runners World how to adequately layer for the conditions and had prepared to wear for the race three layers top and bottom, two pairs of Smartwool socks (one ultralight running and one light ski sock), my Buff to use as a neck gaiter, and my Smartwool headband. The two top layers on top had built-in hoods, so I used those and the headband to keep my head warm, but allow me to regulate my body temperature so I didn’t get too hot (and too sweaty). I also utilized some of those chemical toe warmers in my duct-taped1 shoes to further keep my tootsies warm.

My husband went with me, because the race said that there would be a “warming tent” and would give him a warm place to wait for me (while holding all my crap so I didn’t have to do a bag check) while I run my insanity off outside. Also would give me a place to not freeze prior to the race.

Apparently “warming tent” was secret code for “parking ramp with kerosene heaters” and by “warm” it was “barely skirting zero.” Not only that, the race started a half hour AFTER the posted start time. That meant I stood around way longer than planned before the race – I think I was turning into a popsicle! Here I am huddled around one of the kerosene heaters – which was being blocked approximately 95% by some jerk who was hogging all the heat:

Do I look cold? Because I am cold!
Do I look cold? Because I am cold!

Finally, we started the race. The course was an out-and-back that was slightly uphill out and slightly downhill back. I finished in 34:00 on the nose (10:56/mi pace) and by the end of the race, I very much looked like this:


No, really! I could see the icicles on eyelashes and my Buff was frozen solid from breathing through it. I also was starting to freeze solid once I stopped running.

I hightailed it to grab my finisher medal, skipped the after race food, and made a beeline to find my husband and the rest of the clothes I was wearing prior to the race.

The rest of the day I was wiped out. A hot shower and relaxing on the couch was my remedy for the brutal morning. The weirdest thing was the next morning my muscles were so sore from the race! It’s not like an 11 min/mi is fast – it’s actually right around my non-race running pace (I tend to go faster in a group). I wonder if the fact that it was so cold taxed my muscles more than if I was working out in normal, humane temperatures? Last time I was this sore was when I had my PR for the 10k two years ago (a sub-10 min/mi) and that was an effort!

Needless to say, I will not be running this race again – unless it’s above 20F. 🙂

1 – Seriously! One of the recommendations is to put duct tape over the vents in your running shoes. The mesh at the front of your shoe is there to release heat during normal runs. But in the winter, you want to keep that heat in, so duct taping over the vents will keep heat from escaping and prevent the winter chill from getting in. It worked amazingly well!

Frigid? You Ain’t Kidding!

Ok, so the Polar Dash is on Wednesday.

Remember how I was hoping for temps to be above zero?

I should’ve kept my big, fat, frat boy mouth shut. A tweet from earlier today:


Also, WUT?!?

The forecast is saying it’s not going to be much warmer all week. Thus, today was spent researching how to properly attire oneself for running in below OMFGITISCOLDOMG!!!!11!!11!one!!! temperatures.

“Why don’t you just skip the race? Those temps are fucking insane!” you might say.

Well, the bitch is for this race series is that there’s a finisher’s stained glass medal for each race – if you don’t finish five of the six races in the series, you don’t get to complete the trophy for doing the series.

I know, it’s a dumb fucking reason to do it. But it’s 3.1 miles and if I end up wearing my snow boots, skiing outerwear, and walking the damn thing, I’ll do it. I need to save my mulligan for the half marathon in June.

If I turn into a popsicle, you’ll know why. 😀