December Goals

Last year, I did the Runner’s World Run Streak, where I ran one mile every day between Thanksgiving and New Year’s. I missed one day because I was sick, but I made up for that day with a two mile run later that week.

This year, running isn’t a possibility because of my recent surgery and I was sad that I was going to have to miss out on participating. 😦

Also, it was easier, weather-wise, to run outside every day because we were in Oregon and the weather never really got below freezing the entire time. Now that I’m back in Minnesota, it’s a different story. We have been lucky in the fact that it’s December 1st and we still haven’t had snow that’s stuck around, but that definitely won’t last.

I can’t do the run streak this year, but what I CAN do is have a walk streak for the month of December. I’m going to walk a minimum of one mile every day this month. I was inspired by my friend Jeremy’s 30-day goal posts on his site. But, instead of 30 days I’m going to make my goal follow the calendar month to make keeping track easier.

This poses a few challenges:

Needing a place to do this when the weather eventually turns to actual MN winter.
Done! I have a membership at the YMCA and they have an indoor track which will make the indoor walking much nicer than walking on a treadmill.

Holidays.
Last year, since I was able to do everything outdoors (even in the 40-ish degree rain/drizzle), holidays didn’t matter. I just laced up my shoes and went outside. This year, it’ll be different as I’m pretty darn sure the YMCA will be closed on Christmas Day. I guess I’m going to get all my warmest gear out to tromp a mile through my neighborhood that day. ❄

Motivation.
I’m having a tough time with motivation because I’m not in the best head space right now. Still struggling with grief from my Dad’s passing and the shorter days/colder weather is making me want to burrito myself in a fleece blanket and never leave the house. Working remotely: the struggle is real.

However, when I put my mind on doing something, I’m going to do it come hell or high water. Then, hopefully, this month of activity will allow me to start going back to CrossFit. I miss the hard workouts, but I also have to realize it could take 6-12 months before I’m fully healed from the hysterectomy and able to push myself as much as I used to. I’m so impatient!

What goals have you made for yourself this month?

That Escalated Quickly

It’s been a while since I’ve posted some nonsense on this blog. I’m going to blame it on two things:

  1. My birthday.
  2. The Polar Vortex.

For some reason, I had a really difficult time with this year’s birthday. Typically, I have a hard time with the “8s” – 18, 28, 38 – they all sucked. But this year – when I turned 41 – I was in the funk to end all funks.

And not the good kind of funk:

absolutefunk

The bad kind of funk:

sadkitten

Had one of those navel-gazing “wot’s this all about, then” couple of days before and after my birthday. Combine that with the Polar Vortex thinking I needed insanely cold temperatures for my birthday1, it made for a pretty unhappy Carolyn.

In the last week, I went from feeling OK to the star in “WWE’s Inner Verbal Smackdown.” How did this happen? Not sure if it was one thing or a number of things, but it sure happened fast.

anchorman

When I get in that funk, I tend to burrow inward and isolate myself from anyone and everyone both physically and mentally. This time, however, I was pulled out of my isolation and forced to face my shitty outlook and deal with it. Why is it that we’re so free to give advice and support to other people, yet we can’t extend the same thoughtfulness and kindness to ourselves? Things that I say to myself in the mirror I would never say to my worst enemy, yet alone another human being.

Now that I have my bearings again, I’m starting to look forward and stay on the positive side of things. I mapped out my future half-marathon training plan (for a future post!) and am consciously working more vegetables into my diet2. Getting more exercise, even though that means going outside (brr), is also good for my well-being.

All this talk about funk makes me want to listen to some James Brown tunes now. 😀

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1 A few years ago I started to have a birthday party for myself in July and called it my Half Birthday Party. Friends always wondered why I did that instead of celebrate it in January. After this year’s winter, they now understand.

2 My winter “diet” of meat and carbohydrate-based comfort foods makes me want to sit on the couch like a hermit and do nothing but eat until Spring. Not the best idea. 🙂

The Best Laid Plans.

Well, that whole “not drinking until my birthday?” goal…that made it a whole 4 days. Thanks Moose.

You know how some people are stress eaters? I’m a stress wine drinker!

courtneywine

There were a few stressful days in my personal life, attending the funeral of a dear friend’s mother, and the insane cold weather all culminated in me being a bit depressed1 and weak to the pull of “let’s go out to dinner and have some wine.” Which turns into another glass of wine…

My go-to stress reliever of going for a long run is more complicated in the winter2. Instead of just being able to throw on my shoes and go out the door, I have to dress to go out in the sub-zero temperatures, drive the 10 minutes to my gym, get redressed to exercise, then meander my way to where the treadmills are in my warehouse-sized gym. Add the reverse procedure to that and my 40 minute run turns into a nearly 1.5 hours of nonsense.

If only I could buy a plane ticket to somewhere where I don’t have to bundle up in wool socks and 3 layers of clothing to feel warm. But, that’s not happening anytime soon.

My normal tendency is to really beat myself up over the slip in my goals. Like serious “you’re such a huge fucking fat failure” and “you’re worthless” kind of flogging. I think that mindset of self-loathing has fueled my struggles with my own weight my entire life and it’s a hard one to shake.

However, I have some amazing friends who tell me I’m awesome and I keep telling myself that I am not a failure and am beautiful. Even if I don’t necessarily believe it 100% yet.

Thanks, Senator Franken!

Thanks, Senator Franken!

I’m using this blog to be honest and open about things and I don’t want this to turn into a pity party where you all cheer “you’re awesome, Carolyn!” so I feel better. That’s not it at all.

I’m just writing this in the hopes that it helps someone else not hate themselves because they ate those donuts or drank those beers when they swore they wouldn’t. It’s about embracing yourself as a person – one who isn’t perfect and one who is going to fall flat on their face every once in a while. I just want to get to the point where I can just dust myself off and keep moving towards my goals without having to berate myself for falling down in the first place.

Well that got deep. Sorry about that.

I’ll be back with more fart jokes and nonsense soon. 🙂

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1 – I really, really don’t like winter. I don’t know if I’m at seasonal affective disorder levels of depression about it – but man I’m sick of being cold by this time of the winter season.

2 – Despite successfully running the Polar Dash, I do not run outside unless it’s above 40F.